When I speak in public or in private or to anyone regarding any issues that I have faced or am facing , only one phrase comes to me “stop being feminist”. I think those people are the reason I wanted to have a blog so that I could voice my opinion. So here I am writting my first ever blog. Well, I would like to start my volg on this note today, giving a answer to those people that I am not feminist because that actually is very big word for me . Though I believe in equality but I want to speak against each and every thing that seems wrong to me. For eg: superstition, racism and many more such things.. I dont want to have a fight with this world I just want to change their opinions. And I know thats not easy at all but I want to try even if I changed the opinion of one person I would be more than happy. So thats what my thoughts are about and this blog will be about . I’ll try and start my next piece of writting with a introduction of myself. So goodbye and Namaste for now.
A Fat Girl’s Struggle Part-2
Hi everybody, Before countinuing with my story I would like to give a advice ” Growing in all this I have learned one thing that sharing your problems with others does’nt help ,seventy percent don’t care ,ten percent will make fun of you and remainig twenty are glad you have them.” Here I am not advising you to deal with your problem totally alone but just don’t hover and tell everyone and anyone. That’s not what I did but it kind of matches. Me bieng gemini I only cry and share my problems with the people I trust, but I guess I did a mistake understanding whom should I trust . Going through PCOD and bieng fat plus the colour thing was not easy for me. My PCOD struggle is a whole lot for me so I’ll try and make a different blog for that. Around all this their were few people who are the reason I came out of all this mess that I am ugly and all first would be my parents who at any point never forced me to get in shape or size or something they always support me and allowed me to do whatever I want to do and uffcorse my elder sister who inspires me alot. I always shared each and everything with my sister and have had a lot of breakdown in front of her so she was the one who understood me and actually guided me that ugly and all is just in my head and I am pretty as I am, I don’t need to change if people want me to infact I should only change if I want to. By the way I did’nt tell you one thing my breakdown and kind of depression happend while those four years when she was not with me and was studying for her BTech away from the city. So then she kind of brought me together till my tewelth standard and in my last school year without focusing on anything else I focused on studies . Now here comes one more challange for me I never get nervous genrally but I was actually nervous for my college . Meeting new people and specifically I was nervous because my college was all girls. Nobody forced me it was just that the subject which I wanted was only available to me in this college and it was delhi university so I did’nt missed the chance. It was a bit challenging to adjust in beggining but you know college actually changed me to the person who I am now. I got to meet such awsome and open minded people in college and I actually saw the real world. This was the time when I started enjoying my life . ln India we have uniforms in school so I was too happy to be in college because there was no dresscode and I love the fact that I could wear my style . I luv dressing up and initially I was too happy I got such a fun gang and cool friends. But as soon as our friendship grew stronger one of them actually started insulting me and all the time making fun of me being fat. But at this point of time I was not the person who just stay quit I tried to stop her but for her it was actually a big joke and she continued doing that.I kind of did’nt wanted to have fight but you know a person has a limit so one day I burst out and we had a fight , at the end she said sorry. But you know person like these are horrible she stopped making fun of my wieght now she needed something new so she started making fun of my character or style whatever you call it. I did’nt want to be friends with her but I had to because we were kind of group who all the time stayed together. I was kind of girly so she could’nt bear me, actually u know what I have noticed this thier is stereotype that a fat girl or a dark girl cannot be girly and stylish because they don’t have any right to do that. And you know, we are the reason for these type of stereotypes and people bieng created, now I just started ignoring her and staying away from her and letting her speak what she wants , I did’nt give reaction to any of her bloody comments. Eventually she did stop but you know these peoples she stopped bullying me but started doing same to one of the other girl in our group. But this time I had been through this stage so I helped her get out of this . Few teachers in our college were also awsome they had this different thinking about the world and uffcorse my subject I did my graduation in philosophy so I read about many things related to life and uffcorse my favroite topic feminism, house wifes, suicides and many more. This was the time when I actually developed my opinion about these tthings. I started putting my opinions while regular discussion with my friends and family. But they kind of did’nt wanted to hear, so then I thought I should start a blog and write about my thoughts so here I am. This story actually has manydifferent verse which I’ll try to show you in more blogs. So Goodbye and Namaste for today.
A Fat Girl’s Struggle Part-1
Hi everybody I’m here with my next post as promised I’ll introduce myself today. I am a normal 21 year old indian girl. Oh I am sorry just forgot to add a few important details I am 21 year old indian girl who is fat and has a dark colour. And in India being fat is a crime and on top of that being dark coloured , people will treat you like shit. Whole my life I thought dat I dont look good because I dont have what people excpect me to have, little did I knew dat my beauty was just a little different . Being fat or a little dusky doesnt mean that you are not beautiful ” you are beatifull ” pastries and cakes both are beatifull in thier own ways wheather it be vanilla or choclate or for that matter strawberries.
Thats the thinking I wanna change . I hate people who see fat or dusky or skinny people and say outter beauty doesnt matter inner matters. Hell no, What do u mean that they are not beautifull then Im sorry b*tch*s ain’t nobody ugly just your thinking is.
It took me nineteen to twenty years to realise that I am beautiful I am not ugly no one except me has the right to tell me to loose weight . From the first day of my life I have heard that I’m fat. But it all started when I was in my teenage I was bullied in my school because of bieng fat . There was a girl who always called me motti (fatso) and body shamed me and in front of everyone pointed at my hairy legs which was embarising for me. My relatives told me too reduce my weight and you know what this is India so u are not only told to reduce your weight to annoy you more they tell you ways to reduce weight ” oh you dont want to go to gym, beta thoda kum khaya karo phir (starve urself till death)” . And the reasons You need to reduce weight are actually awsome ‘ you will not find a guy for your marriage because you are not eligible for marriage if You are fat’. Oh uffcorse and if you decide to argue like me this is what you get:
People: you need to reduce weight.
Me: why? I am healthy and fine.
People: you are a girl you’ll not find a guy for marriage because everyone will reject you.
Me: I dont think so . And if someone actually want to reject me because of my appearance then I reject him before that because of his inner appearance. On top of dat I reject marriage.
People: So you also know dat you are not elegible for marriage therefore you dont want to get married.
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And if in any way you are thinking dat this conversation is hypothetical or old generation talks. So my friend you are wrong because this conversation actually took place between me and my well read 24 year old coisin brother. So yes even our generation has such thoughts which is sad. My whole life has been a struggle and I guess everybody’s is but there were time during my school days when I came home and went straight into the bathroom and start crying because I don’t like anyone seeing me crying . At that time I use to blame god for my appearance . It seemed to me dat there is no way of getting out of this except getting thin. And that time I didnt know what dieghting was for me it was just a synonym of starving . This happend around when I was in 9th and 10th standard. I started starving myself , I used to have 1 glass of milk in morning and I stopped eating lunch in school . So that means I just had 2 meals a day that too in limited proportion . This happend for almost 8-9 months which resulted in irregular periods. And when I went to doctor for a check up she told me that I have a desease called PCOD (this happend to me because of irregular eating and lack of nutritions) which was a whole different struggle for me. I dont know whom to blame forthis situation of mine, to me who actually listen to those people or to people who are ruthless and influenced by this fuedal society. I guess thats enough for today coz writting this is actually not easy for me . It seems like all those days are in front of me. Further I’ll continue in my next post . So Goodbye and Namaste for today.
A Fat Girl 